Fear is a tricky thing to deal with. But once examined it becomes nothing more than a thought that passes in the night.
What is fear? Fear as a term is too abstract, to intangible to be able to put anything solid on it, to figure a way around. If you had a road block you figure out another direction. But with fear its nebulous thing that actually pops up in your way whichever way you turn.
The word fear makes us believe it’s a thing like a chair but it’s not. It is a made up word to represent the result of something not the actual cause. By looking at the result all the time you are blinded to the cause.
I now see fear on a spectrum. One end you see the word fear and on the other end you see the word trust.
Let’s take an example. People have a fear of flying, but what is that. How many people a year die from flying? Not many in the grand scheme of things. Where did that fear come from? Planes are only around the past 100 years. Did someone invent it? That sounds mad that someone would invent it, but the really mad thing is that it was invented. Somebody had to come up with a medical term for it. Aviophobia is the term. Who came up with that and who was the first person diagnosed with it what was it called before it was Aviophobia?
Why are people afraid of flying and not of cookers? More people each year die from cooker related stuff. The mad thing is people are often afraid of planes and have never been on one. Yet everyone has used a cooker, been burnt, not once but many times, and you are 100% guaranteed to get burnt again. So what’s the difference?
Why do you get scared when you go to the cinema and see a scary movie? You know walking in that it’s fake, it’s not real, but you get carried away and get scared anyway? Why is that? It’s because we have imaginations. We can imagine ourselves in that position and how we would feel if something was going wrong. Is that situation real? Why do we get a real response? Because in our minds reality and fantasy are no different.
So what is happening when people have a fear of flying? Are they simply just imagining themselves in a compromised position? Are they fantasizing about something going wrong?
How would they feel if they started imagining everything being awesome? Would that start to make them feel good?
Either way they are playing a story in their head, that is dis-empowering them, or empowering them but it is just a story!
Just to be clear what is a story? A story is something that is made up or imaginary and can be changed at any time. If someone decided to do some hypnotism on a poor unfortunate victim would he be able to make that person afraid of cookers? How does he do that? How he does that is by implanting a story in that persons head that cookers are dangerous.
Where are fears? Fears are always in the future they may be seconds away but none the less they are in the future.
So what happens when we walk down a dark alley at night, and we start to get scared? What is happening there? Are we imagining a good future or a bad one, based on what evidence? All we have is a dark alley? And we heard that someone some time somewhere got mugged? But are you in danger? Or are you imagining it?
Hopefully you’re seeing a pattern now fears are imaginary and a story that we are telling ourselves.
So why are they so dis-empowering? Because we believe them! It’s really that simple.
So let’s flip the whole thing let’s stop looking at fears altogether, and start looking at people who are fearless.
We have all seen people who are not afraid of heights, why is that? Quite often they are people who have worked on ladders or done rock climbing or something to that effect? So why are they fearless? Is it because they are familiar with heights? To a large degree yes but that is still looking at the result not the cause. They know it’s dangerous yet they still do it. The fear doesn’t seem to exist?
Let’s go back to the alley. Would a person who has a black belt in some martial art, be as afraid as you or I, walking through that alley? Probably not. Why is that? Would you say this person has more confidence? What is confidence? Confidence is self-trust. That black belt trusts himself and his skills to keep him safe, so in that situation he actually won’t even think about any danger until something presented itself.
Like the people who are not afraid of heights they trust themselves they trust that they are going to be safe because experience tells them that. This is the true cause of fear. People do not trust themselves or life because of the stories they tell themselves.
It is the same with you, and a cooker. You have enough trust in yourself, that you will be ok. You may get burned, but you will deal with that when it happens. The danger is there but I trust myself that I will be able to deal with it when it arises. So there is no point in thinking about it now.
So what is fear really fear is really an external representation of your own lack of self-trust? So what’s the solution? Its simple learn to trust yourself look at all the times you have overcome some issue or another. How many dangerous roads have you crossed with no incident what so ever. Look at how much you have survived already. The evidence is overwhelming that you’re going to be alright. So why do I still feel fearful? Basically because the news fills you full of fear full stories and your friends tell you about how they do not trust themselves and fill us full of their fears. So you have to practice every time you feel bad, laugh and say gees I got caught up in that story. If you put your effort into all the things your already good at you will trust yourself more and more.
So what is the result of trust? Success is the result of trust. Can you think of any wealthy happy or powerful person who doesn’t trust themselves? They all believe in themselves that is the only thing they do differently.
So go to places and do things that build your self-trust push your capabilities don’t face your fears don’t even bother with them. Tell yourself the story that you want and play it over and over. If you’re afraid of heights stand Visualize yourself being perfectly comfortable in that situation then go stand on high things until you completely trust yourself in those situations.
Where is fear when you’re visualizing an empowering story? It simply doesn’t exist.
Would trusting yourself be loving yourself?