For me I could not feel pleasure from my actions school and my parents bet that out of me. I was always criticized something was always wrong with everything I did. Everything became painful.
So, I shut down.
So now I have to rewire myself the way I think and feel.
Action can be pleasurable and rewarding. I am in a process of defining that and acknowledging myself and this is the process I’m going through.
Imagine you want to get fitter. Your doing that because of one of two drivers, a desire for more pleasure or away from the pain of being unfit, unhealthy. So that want is driven by desire for pleasure or away from pain.
What happens if you constantly move away from pain with out defining what you actually desire in a pleasurable sense, this is what un-consciousness is, reacting never proacting.
What happens when you have suffered a lot of criticism, well then everything becomes painful even your proactive stuff. It becomes un rewarding. This is what has happened me over the past few years. I was doing lots of proactive things. But none of it was worth it in the end, so I ran out of energy and desire, because none of it was coming back to me. no joy, no pleasure, no rewards, nothing, I ran out of everything, mentally emotionally and financially.
So now I’m building myself back up again, but with a focus on pleasure and rewarding myself. I personally believe this is the key everyone is missing. Our school system beats this out of us. School was abuse for me and I don’t use the word abuse in a light sense at all.
So, I’ve had to retrain every aspect of myself to focus on what works. If you want any body to do more of anything praise them. But we have all given people complements and they have deflected them because of their own self-image. Because they feel not good enough because they have been trained to look at the one thing, they didn’t do perfect, instead of how far they have come and how much they have learned. They need to praise themselves. And how we do that is by getting ourselves and others to see the truth, not the one imperfection.
E.g. Yea its not perfect, but I learned this this, and this, and this is what we can do next time to improve and grow. That is a progressive statement its focused-on growth and improvement and as a result that dialogue creates empowerment and pleasure.
My days are looking more and more like this. Building pleasure into them focusing on what I’ve done and how I have grown.
I am waking up doing morning gratitude primarily for myself and the rest of the things I’m grateful for.
I’m grateful for my health and wealth and bed and body and how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown, I’m grateful for all the support I have and I’m grateful for what is to come today. And so on.
This gears my energy up to focus on what works and what is more pleasurable.
I work out most mornings and I’m working on building that to every morning. But every day is different, and this is something I’m growing. This just gets my body in gear and feeling good.
This is the most important bit for me. is logging what I have done at the end of the day. Really acknowledging all the things like spending an hour driving and listening to an audio book that is a tiny win but without acknowledging it we are essentially neglecting ourselves. For me I was totally ignoring myself and logging all these little things really makes me feel good at the end of the day just before bed.
My feelings of not doing enough, good enough and feelings of self-criticism go straight out the door because I can see how full my days are.
Even writing this blog post is a win for me now.